In recent weeks, I have wanted to be a superhero—to rise above the sphere where trolls flamed the woman who writes in praise of passionate users, Kathy Sierra, and a mail system (even with Jedi mailboxes) that delivered a slick mainstream magazine with a cover featuring a cheesecake image of Jenna Fischer from “The Office” in a business suit and, flipping over the “radically” transparent cover sheet, without it.

Wired arrived just days before the anticipated new episode of “The Office” airing last night, where Pam (Fischer) was to watch her violent, emotionally unstable ex (he threw a glass at a wall in the last episode) potentially mess up her Ross, the much-swooned-over John Krasinski.

The magazine cover has been made into an animated .gif (so twenty-first century of them), which presides over the top of the current issue page. And, beyond exposing Wired’s goal of pandering to readers with the sensitivity and maturity of Michael Scott, a character we can easily imagine putting receptionist Pam Beesly up to the stunt, the fluffy “Worst Practices” story about the show mentions the cover model once, in a passing connection to her relationship with Jim Halpert.

At least Playboy has good articles.

Explaining his rationale in a Wired blog titled “Underwire,” Creative Director Scott Dadich posted,

“WIRED being WIRED, we wanted a cover that was smart and showy. And as Creative Director I wanted something that hadn’t been done before. We settled on the idea of printing on clear acetate. But it had to be interactive. Now you’re in a business suit—now you’re not.

Then we wrestled with the question of how to best show the real goings on inside the modern American office. How about using ‘The Office’ as a model? And who would we like to see practicing what we’re preaching? Dwight? Ehhh…notsomuch. Of course, Pam.”

(My, interactivity. Coincidentally, Rainn Wilson, who plays Dwight on the show, joins Jenna as a cover model on newsstands this week; New York magazine lets Wired be Wired, and features Wilson with a suite of intelligent articles about office life, including a pithy, albeit brief interview with the actor.)

And yet, recent weeks have been a lovely time to hover close to the surface as the East Coast has burst into bloom, reminding me that even with the cover sham and trollery, it is still a beautiful world.

Two weekends ago I was shopping at my favorite Charlottesville vintage store, Bittersweet, with my friend Dana, who pointed out the below tree—her favorite, she told me, near her house. Like this tree, Dana continues to branch out and fork her interests as she acquires new vintage dresses (she bought a forest green classic with a wonderful neck detail) for her verdant social calendar and increasing skills as she presses onward with her xml work at the Rossetti Archive.

Dropping Dana off, I returned to the tree to take pictures (Dana, I have high res versions for you—maybe wallpaper for your computer?) and decided to wear a vintage dress that matched the flowers to a fabulous baby shower that afternoon for my friends Angela and Nate.

Carolyn Tate, pictured in the foreground, hosted the festive celebration at Angela and Nate’s new house. Both Carolyn and Angela are colleagues of mine in the University of Virginia’s graduate program in English, and they planned and executed this event while in the throes of comprehensive department examinations.

Angela’s mom contributed unforgettable shower favors with ultrasound images of Angela and Nate’s child; while pregnant, Angela has coordinated a move, helped Nate update the house (they remodeled the kitchen), and passed the aforementioned department examinations, so I was not surprised to learn her mother could also represent.

The poised Sara Bryant (pictured at left) took notes as they opened very large presents,

and handcrafted ones, like the baby blanket Angela’s mother had indicated was for another baby when Angela noticed her knitting it—Angela admitted her previous jealousy and her satisfaction at now having a covering for her child in the correct shade of Carolina blue her father favors.

The most animated mother-to-be I’ve had the great pleasure of helping to shower with gifts, she made all of us “ooh” with her as she opened booties,

an on-trend laminated diaper bag (from transplanted Manhattanite Carolyn, of course),

and a baby outfit she decided was suitable for tapas at Mas, our crowd’s favorite restaurant.

Yeah, hipster baby, yeah.

My friend Rob gave his two favorite Dr. Seuss books (these are also my favorites—Rob’s impeccable taste in this genre another reason we are close friends), the political Butter Battle Book and The Lorax, particularly appropriate for a baby born under this administration,

and Angela could not contain her elation upon receiving a figurine commemorating her time wearing maternity clothes:

As the couple plans to name their child Stella, my roommate Ben and I wanted to give her the stars, and we wrapped a toy turtle that projects constellations through cutouts in the shell.

Rob and I went out into the dusk and watched the stars appear outside a downtown bar,

and I woke the next morning ready to embrace spring and all its culinary charms—the first radishes,

a salad with raspberries and pecans,

and the happy thought of two new recipes I made on Friday: panko pork tenderloin medallions from the April Gourmet,

and a tweaked leek and lemon fusilli (boil in cream at the end) in April’s Food and Wine, from A16, perhaps my favorite restaurant in San Francisco.

This past weekend found me in the kitchen again, making strawberry jam for cream drop biscuits, smushing avocado for guacamole to top scrambled eggs, roasting tomatillos for salsa to accompany black bean cakes, and chopping peppers for breakfast potatoes.

My favorite Brit, John, was in from London, and he declared the 31st America Day, exhorting us to action in an email written across the pond.

“Let us now praise famous chain stores,” he said, and so this past Saturday we celebrated the good and local (see the wonderful Albemarle Baking Company sticky buns Cory and Brian brought and the Spudnuts Dana brought below)

and the kitschy local, beginning with brunch food and Masmosas (substitute grapefruit juice). I dressed up slightly for the occasion.

Brian and Cory told my sister Katrina, who began filming the adventurous day at brunch, about their favorite places in America,

and after brunch the group decided to explore the neighborhood before journeying outward.

I took images of this tree in the middle of the cul-de-sac as Rob discovered a bridge a short distance away.

Rob began to take pictures, and I couldn’t resist joining Dana and John on the bridge; (the three below images courtesy Rob Stilling)

Katrina set up her shot and Ben coordinated the group’s next event: miniature golfing.

(How fantastic are Dana’s glasses?)

I hadn’t played putt-putt in a few years, but Ben took the lead, filling out the scorecard and instructing our playing rotation.

(The two below images courtesy Rob Stilling)

I have no explanation for the elephant in the middle of the course (that might mar its delightful eminence over the two courses), or the abnormally large shroom Dana posed with for this picture.

We made a joint decision to include the U-Haul truck parked behind the course in Katrina’s filming as mobility is a key American characteristic,

and then we headed to the local DQ and met up with our friend Joe,

consumed Blizzards (that, when DQ staff delivered to the table, did stay in their cups when turned upside down) and DQ dogs (Dana, admirably, consumed two),

and John and I nursed our respective injuries (John had been attacked by the Subway door, I had a bloody nose), which added to the latent violence the group discovered was at the core of Americanness,

and Katrina found a sign for a Blizzard in a flavor that was also her high school nickname, Kit Kat.

Across the street at Target, Rob had me pose next to American icons (Marilyn and Captain Jack Sparrow),

and I tested a recliner with speakers on the side before wandering over the shoes section and scaring small children. (Wonder Woman images courtesy Rob Stilling)

Katrina judged the Target Competition portion of the day; given half an hour in teams of two, the three teams sought out the most American item in the store. Rob and I felt strongly that our baseball-shaped Easter basket was a solid entry, Dana and Ben showed up with a Radio Flyer in their cart, and Joe and John swept with a frog doll that played the Britpop “Hit Me Baby One More Time” while punching the air with boxing gloves.

I purchased a sparkly purple jump rope lariat of truth, and we were off to the bowling alley, where we rented two lanes and very American bowling shoes.

Rob recorded Ben pioneering an arm-waving technique, and then Rob impressed us all with his controlled strike skillset. (Below image courtesy Rob Stilling)

Eric bowled a respectable second game and found time to fish a stuffed motorcycle eagle from the clamp game, which he gave to John.

Our new friend Buster the Eagle tagged along as we left, tearing the fiery Rob away from the arcade,

and Buster sat on the bar at Ruby Tuesday, where we stared in wonderment at the reflected faces of customers patronizing the “Garden Bar.”

We then sank lower, venturing to a Cheeseburger in Paradise location,

where I pondered how Ben could possibly order a burger with Velveeta (which is not a cheese, and is instead some sort of processed amalgamation of yellow and orange dyes). (Wonder Woman image courtesy Rob Stilling)

Things looked brighter, or maybe it was certain cheering slants of lights at X Lounge downtown, as our number grew and friends gathered to celebrate the final dregs of America Day, that made me smile as the day drew to a close. (Below image courtesy Rob Stilling)

Dana and Eric filled Keicy in on what had happened since brunch; Rob and Steph framed themselves elegantly on the couches.

I attempted to chronicle the number of people my costume had kerflummoxed during the day, including the bouncer on the other side of the windows, (Wonder Woman image courtesy Rob Stilling)

and John woke the next morning, collected his new shirt Rob had awarded him for the journey back to England, and appeared ready to return to work at the British Library.

While John was in Chicago last week, he found this doll’s shirt and personalized it with Arcade Fire buttons. It adorns my cubicle, and I have looked up this week and grinned, remembering John’s promise that he made as we drove to Dulles, listening to neon bibles (if you haven’t explored the promo site, do) and Air’s new Pocket Symphony:

though he boarded a plane back to England on Sunday, secretly, John stands at the ready—should America need him, he’ll be here. Speaking for all of us in Charlottesville, he cannot return too soon…

1. Ben:
   April 6th, 2007 at 3:37 am

   Five days later and my body continues to process the Velveeta. I think it formed a coating around my stomach that for decades will keep all nutrients out. My favorite memory of the weekend–nose bleeds and head wounds aside–is awakening to the smell of a delicious breakfast; the perfect alternative to the vertigo exercises I was performing as you, Kat and John speculated as to my late-morning status.

2. Dana:
   April 6th, 2007 at 8:29 am

   Yes, yes Kristen, I would love to have a hi-res picture of my tree (shrub?)! I tried to take a few pics myself, but they don’t hold a candle to yours. And you should see it now, my friend - it is the most brilliant fuschia. I hope the frost doesn’t harm it.

3. Kristen:
   April 6th, 2007 at 8:35 am

   Dana, we’ll have to go tomorrow and see—maybe that beauty will expunge the evil that is Velveeta in Ben’s stomach lining—

4. Kass:
   April 6th, 2007 at 5:27 pm

   I wish my life was as fun and glamorous as your one day of “America Day”…

5. John:
   April 9th, 2007 at 4:58 pm

   I showed these pictures to my British friend Hannah, and she said “Wow, does everyone in the US do all this on America Day?”

   They will. Oh, they will. Kthread makes history!

6. Rob:
   April 11th, 2007 at 4:01 am

   U-Haul has never made such a compelling backdrop.
   But hey, where are my photo credits?

7. Kristen/Princess Diana:
   April 11th, 2007 at 8:38 am

   Rob, I forgot that Wonder Woman would be capable of taking her own picture, so I have indicated above your images.

   Thank you again; it’s almost as though I was communicating with you through my two-way wrist radio instead of Mom back on Paradise Island.

   (I was able, btw, to visit the abandoned farm where I first hid the invisible plane on the way back to the nation’s capital on Sunday—)

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Posted Friday, April 6th, 2007, 3:09 am | Filed in Cyberfeminism, Design, Entertaining, Food, Photography. Follow responses through the RSS 2.0 feed. Leave a response, or trackback from your own site.