Charlottesville holds a Dogwood Festival in April, but it wasn’t until last weekend that my friend Dana and I were able to celebrate the occasion. Heavily influenced by America’s Next Top Model (ANTM), we decided to host a party to crown Charlottesville’s Next Top Dogwood (CNTD).

One of my favorite clips on YouTube (it keeps being posted and then yanked) is Tyra Banks exhorting her talk show audience to look under their seats for her favorite beauty secret, which turns out to be Vaseline. The audience receives special Swarovski-studded Vaseline jars and joins Tyra jumping up and down; Tyra then literally rolls in the aisles. Clearly, the CNTD contestants needed the same type of blinged-out jars as favors, so I skipped yoga on Saturday afternoon and sang Gillian Welch’s “Miss Ohio” (which Gillian, David, and Bright Eyes sang as the encore at their Atlanta concert last night—Katrina, I couldn’t be more jealous) while affixing “mobile bling” to Vaseline jars (feeding the inner arts & crafts junkie).

One of the better things about ANTM is the level of serious posturing in the “challenges,” the fever pitch of absurdity that contestants silence to outpose each other in photos taken in various locations and within bizarre parameters. I decided to match the jar bling to the crown—all of the highest quality, of course, like Tyra’s shows, while I schemed challenges for the photo shoot and practiced my close range photography skills on leaves.

Saturday morning was beautiful driving weather, as central Virgina sloughed off the rain of the night before, and I noticed my overgrown sage plant,

went off to the market, and almost jumped up and down to see beautiful, jewel-like strawberries from one of my favorite growers.

To feed the contestants, I created a menu of green (heirloom greens, fava beans, green garlic) and gold (fennel pollen, my most recent food obsession), which couldn’t and, I hoped, wouldn’t stay on the kitchen counter; a salad with Purple Haze goat cheese (fennel pollen is mixed into the cheese), green garlic chives, and berries,

Joanne Weir’s Tuscan roasted pork tenderloin with fennel pollen and sage (from my backyard),

and an improvised fava/green garlic pesto pasta with pecorino disappeared as the contestants arrived.

Then we opened champagne and ate strawberry shortcake with cream drop biscuits, macerated strawberries, and whipped cream to ready for the photo shoot.

Eric’s nose modeling spurred the group migration to the living room and the photography challenges began

as Stewart determined to be the focus of the first group shot. Steph looks fabulous here as well with a new haircut that suits her perfectly.

Then we did some double shots,

and Sara exercised her photographic exit strategy.

I took a break (with my new WonderWomanfull golden cuffs—Steph, I adore these) while Ben gathered Dana and Steph to flank him in a group pose,

and I had to laugh as Stewart refused to be my accessory. (Hello? Boys are the accessories. Tyra says so.)

Stewart was helpful, irreplaceable you might say, in setting up the shot with Sara, Steph, and Dana—

Tyra says it’s all about angles;

Steph thinks this pose is about choosing between her good and bad angels.

I joined them, though I’m not sure what angel this makes me (maybe the Madonna?)

And Stewart posed Steph on the chair.

Fierce.

Michael relaxed and looked charming as ever,

and Dana intrigued while ceding the foreground of the first shot to Stewart.

Eric rocked a pinkie ring,

Steph channeled a Folies Bergère vibe,

and I attempted to capture Sara in profile;

Ben unproblematically continued to wear rings on both hands while texting,

and then, noticing the crown on the table, introduced the next photography challenge: the yoga pose.

Ben and Eric faced off in the first part of utktasana (“awkward”) posture,

Dana positioned herself for trikanasana (“triangle”),

which Ben demonstrated with ease.

Stewart took up Forster,

and Eric started to YouTube dj.

He berated the singers

and switched to classics, whereupon Dana, appropriately “swathed” (as she put it) in red sequins pulled out a lighter for Firehouse’s “Love of a Lifetime,”

while Michael began the photography jewelry challenge deciding on emeralds,

prompting Steph to take up the crown,

and allow Ben to pose next to her (he insists this was the beginning of a stealth campaign to gank the crown),

Dana and I imagined a red carpet beneath our feet,

and then I was ready for Sara’s close-ups,

and we turned to find Eric in one of my wigs, which became the next challenge.

Below is one of my favorite images from the night since the wig covers most of Eric’s face, transforming him into the purple best friend of Ronald McDonald.

Then Ben entered Spinal Tap territory (still wearing the rings),

and Steph successfully subordinated him to her accessory in this shot (thus, he looks dazed and slightly overwhelmed by his long purplish hair),

Sara became Joan Baez,

which Eric wasn’t overly excited about,

and Steph took her turn in the wig—we discovered how well purple hair and blue eyes work

across genres (I think she looks amazingly anime).

There is often a moment in an ANTM photo shoot when the model suddenly exudes the hoped-for emotion, embodies the concept, transcends the sweetness of commercial to become a designer’s muse.

Below, Dana wears the crown. Serene, thoughtful, turning a ring, she seems to be pondering spring, seasons, shows, and cycles.

Dear readers, you will determine the winner below. Please vote for your favorite Dogwood, leaving further justifications (and compliments for the lovely participants) in the comments.

Ben, Michael, Sara, Stewart, Eric, Steph, Dana,

as of now, you are still in the running towards becoming Charlottesville’s Next Top Dogwood.

Related posts:

1. Life, I tell you
2. All the world’s waiting for you
3. the sparkle of the salt

1. Steph:
   May 19th, 2007 at 11:46 am

   Though Tyra would berate me for not voting for myself, I have to cast a vote for Sara since, as Twiggy might say, she’s a lovely girl, but not too traditional.

2. Ben:
   May 19th, 2007 at 12:07 pm

   I was certainly “determined” to be something that evening–perhaps simply drunk. I too cannot vote for myself, not with Dana’s beautiful aura still haunting the house.

3. Stewart:
   May 19th, 2007 at 12:37 pm

   I may be biased, but I think Michael rocked the emerald pinkie ring. Sell the merchandise, endear the spectator. Donezo.

4. Dana:
   May 19th, 2007 at 11:53 pm

   Why isn’t our fair hostess in the running?!

5. Kristen:
   May 20th, 2007 at 8:50 am

   Happy simply to be surrounded by beautiful people—

6. Eric:
   May 20th, 2007 at 11:48 pm

   My vote is for Ben, Charlottesville’s favorite minus-size model.

7. Eric:
   May 20th, 2007 at 11:50 pm

   Also, does “utktasana” really mean “awkward” or was that a little joke at our expense?

8. Ben:
   May 22nd, 2007 at 12:39 am

   Bikram translates it into awkward pose but I’m not sure that’s a faithful interpretation of the sanskrit. You did only one part of the posture; believe it or not, it gets more awkward.

9. Dana:
   May 22nd, 2007 at 10:19 pm

   haHa! I declare myself the once and future queen of America’s Next Top Dogwood. Look for me at an environmentally-friendly auto show near you!

10. ally:
    May 22nd, 2007 at 11:51 pm

    eeee! I can’t believe I haven’t commented sooner!

    I ADORE that Tyra clip. It’s so ridiculous. I also love the one where she shmears crisco on her arm with a sock on it (did you KNOWWWW IT ALSO MOISTURIZES?!?!?!?) and then immediately asked if it had worked. she’s crazayyyyy!

11. Swarovski Jeans:
    August 29th, 2008 at 8:33 am

    I found that Tyra Vaseline video on Youtube that hasn’t been pulled down:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOR4qekHWlA

    Whats’ amazing is how mentally unstable she appears, but then even weirder is how the audience reacts like they just won a free car on Oprah–but I guess if Vaseline is all you can afford, then that sucks to be her.

12. Kristen:
    August 31st, 2008 at 9:37 pm

    Thanks, Swarovski Jeans, that is a key reference point for this point (and Miss T in general). I continue to admire how Vaseline seemingly inspires a leg-kick floor sequence—

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Posted Saturday, May 19th, 2007, 9:39 am * Filed in Entertaining, Food, Photography. * . Follow responses through the RSS 2.0 feed. Leave a response, or trackback from your own site.